Buckaroo

And this is another story I haven’t gotten so far on… the first chapter anyways.?

March 13th, 2010 | by admin |

Bennett Joiner: Speak the Truth
Book two of the Mon Ange Series.

By: MacKenzie Russell
Adoption Certificate
This hereby declares that you promise to fully care of the child which you wish to adopt. There are many responsibilities that come with adopting a child and by signing this document you swear to abide by the terms and conditions that you read earlier. You will be checked upon to make sure that you are following these conditions and if you violate them, the child will be brought back by force, or without.

Theresa Joiner David Joiner
Person 1 adopting the childPerson 2 adopting the child
Thorne Granger
Head Mistress of 10th Street Orphanage

Child adopted: Bennett Marie Hallent
Age: 6
Birth date: February 21, 2002
Height: 4’0’’
Weight: 60 lbs.
Chapter One: Charlie + Beer = Horror

“Bennett, get your lazy ass down here right now!” her step father screamed up the stairs. She ran down and stood in front of him obediently.
“What do you need Charlie?” she asked quietly.
“I told you to call me DADDY!” he yelled in her face.
“Well what do you need, daddy?” she asked sarcastically.
“Don’t you sass me girl, Theresa ain’t here right now, and I can do whatever the hell I want to you!” he said as roughly grabbed her arm, “You’re eighteen and you live in this house, you follow the rules and do whatever I want you to ‘coz I am the boss; If you don’t like it move into your own damn house!”
“I’m sorry daddy.” She said as she nodded and kissed him on the cheek, “I love you, thank you for letting me stay here.” She said. She had repeated that lie a billion times to get out of a beating. Bennett wished she could move out, she was preparing… she just had to save up a little more money.
“Yea well maybe I might keep you around a little longer.” Charlie slurred. “But I called you down here because you need to go get me some more beer.”
“Already? But it’s only noon and I bought you a lot last night!” she complained.
“I said GO!” he yelled and threw keys at her, cutting her cheek open. She yelped slightly as her hand flew up to the cut and she shed a tear. Bennett nodded and sprinted to her truck and drove to the liquor store drive through. She honked her horn and a man ran to the window.
“Why if it ain’t little Bennett Joiner… didn’t I just sell you some beer last night? You ain’t one of them alcoholics are ya?” Mark Dillinger asked.
“No but Charlie Reynolds is, my step dad. So… beer please? Another big pack, maybe I won’t have to come back tonight…” she asked. Mark dropped a big pack of Budweiser on the counter in front of the checkout window with a thud.
“Oh-kea-do-kea… That’ll be twenty two buckaroos.” He said as he pushed some buttons on a cash register. She handed him twenty five dollars and he handed her the beer and her change.
“Thank you Mark.” She said with a fake smile.
“Anytime little Joiner.” He laughed. She drove back home and stuffed two of the beers in her purse before she grabbed one to take to Charlie.
“Here daddy.” She said smiling. He snatched it away and she took her purse upstairs. When she got in her room she took the two beers and hid them in her secret stash in the bottom of her closet. There were now eight in there. She collapsed onto her bed and let dabbed her cheek where it had been cut, no more blood. That would just be one more scar that no one would care to notice. She just then realized that she still had her pajamas on. She walked into her closet and got her low cut black tank top and blue jean short-shorts that she slipped on. Hmm, much better now. Her brown hair was now closer to black and straight instead of curly. She twisted it quickly into two messy braids and grabbed her purse once more before tip-toeing down the stairs.
“Bennett!” screamed Charlie as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Bennett sighed and turned towards the den. She walked over and stood in front of him once more.
“Yes daddy?” she asked impatiently.
“C-come sit with me.” He slurred, patting his leg. She sat on his lap and turned sideways slightly so she could still see him. “No, turn so that I can see you.” He said. She obediently turned, now straddling his lap and leaning away so that he could see her.
“Like this?” she asked quietly. He nodded and grabbed her hips.
“You know, I would leave your momma for you,” he whispered in her ear, “You’re so sexy and… tight.” He grabbed her butt. She knew very well what was going to happen, and she knew what she had to do now. He smiled eerily and kissed her cheek, then chin, then licked her lips.
Bennett leaned in and kissed him on the lips lightly. When she tried to pull away he held her head and slipped his tongue in her mouth. He held her in that kiss for about ten minutes before he took his belt off and held it behind her in his hand.
“Daddy, please. Not today…” she begged him quietly. He moved in to kiss her again and she bit his tongue when he put it in her mouth.
“You little bitch!
yep, this one cuts off too. guess if you think you want to read it wmail me @ kenzielynnrussell@yahoo.com

This is pretty good – and it starts getting really intense at the end. Keep it up! Right now, the beginning it with the adoption certificate is a little odd. Unless one of the characters was reading this for some reason. Is Bennet 6 or is she 18? If she was 18 she would probably be old enough to leave an abusive home, consider making her character a few years younger. I imagine this abuse has been going on for a long time? Maybe the "I’m sorry Daddy" could be said overly sweetly, like it’s really painful for her to hide how much she hates him.

There could be some tension between her & the Mark character. "Little Joiner?" I like it, but she could have some sort of reaction to it. Does he tease her all the time? Maybe he’s her ticket out?

I’m curious about why she’s hiding beer in her room. That’s interesting, it definitely has my attention. She also seems a little too willing to straddle his lap, there could be some more tension there. Anyway, all in all another nice job, just keep working on it!